


Forgiveness

by norwegian_galaxies



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: (?), Forgiveness, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kissing, M/M, Panic Attacks, Peppermint, fatigue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 02:14:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15523842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norwegian_galaxies/pseuds/norwegian_galaxies
Summary: After Lukas dumps Matthias for cheating on him, he leaves and hides out in his brother's apartment.Even though he absolutely misses Matthias, he thinks that the Dane's pretty happy with himself and stays away.Little does he know, Matthias misses him, too.





	Forgiveness

It was so very dark inside his room.

Lukas Bondevik stared at the ceiling, his indigo eyes dull. He hadn't been able to sleep; he couldn't sleep, in fact. Insomnia had taken over his brain and left him to rot. He was so fatigued. He'd been awake for days, since he had left Matthias.

They had broken up.

Lukas hadn't wanted it, but Matthias had been cheating on him with some other guy, and the Norwegian had gotten so pissed off he'd thrown the ring he was going to propose to the Dane with at him and stomped out without a word.

That night, he'd gotten totally wasted, and the next morning he woke up in the spare bedroom of his little brother's apartment he shared with his boyfriend, Leon.

That's where he was sleeping--well, was trying to sleep.

The fan he was staring at was pushing hot air lazily around the room. The air conditioner had broken in the guest room, but he was in no hurry to tell Emil or Leon about it. Honestly, he didn't even want to be alive.

He wondered if Matthias felt the same way, but eventually decided after a while that no, Matthias didn't care as much as Lukas did. Clearly, since the Dane had been cheating on him.

Lukas still couldn't help but care. He hated himself for it. Oh, how he absolutely _despised_ himself for it.

He told himself every day not to care.

 _He didn't care, so why should you?_ He thought, trying to rid himself of the sick feeling in his heart and just _go to sleep already._

But it didn't work, and after running those thoughts through his head, he felt something wet trickling down his cheeks. There was a lump in his throat, his nose was stinging, and his heart was pounding. _FUCK. No. Shutupshutupshutupshutup._

He stood up and brought his hands to his face, feeling the tears as they started falling faster and faster. His vision was blurry, and he couldn't see or breathe or think or anything.

He pushed himself up and stumbled out of the room, grabbing his car keys and walking out the door of the quiet apartment. He clenched his fists, grabbed the handle of his car door, and yanked it, falling inside the vehicle and slamming the door shut behind him, his foot getting caught in the door. He cursed under his breath, pulled his foot out of the door and proceeded to slam the door shut again, starting the car.

He knew exactly where he was going.

He knew he had to see him one last time. He had to know.

But before he drove anywhere, he slammed his head on the dashboard and proceeded to do so until he felt a dull ache in his head and his sobs were reduced to mere sniffles.

He lifted his head after a few more moments and pulled out of the parking lot. He hoped he hadn't woken Emil or Leon with all the stupid commotion he was making.

*

Matthias' house seemed darker than Lukas had remembered it. They had lived there together, and whenever he had come home from work, the house would always be bright and lit up like a Polish church. The house was covered in Christmas lights all twelve months of the year, and one could always see the TV on in at least one room.

  
But not now. Instead, the house was quiet and dark. Very dark. _Too_ dark. He saw a lone whitish-blue light shining upstairs, from where their shared room had been. That was it. No TV, no bright, colorful Christmas lights.

Lukas hesitantly pulled up the driveway and parked in front of the house. He saw the lone light flick off from upstairs. Honestly, he was contemplating whether he should just sit in the driveway and wait to calm down before he even set a foot on the step-stones that led from the driveway to the front door.

But he decided not to.

He walked up to the front door, which was dark blue and covered in copper ivy decorations, and knocked.

The door was immediately flung open wide.

"What do you want?"

Lukas stared at the man--was that Matthias? He looked so messed up. His hair was more disheveled than ever, there were dark, dark bags under his eyes, which were reddened from crying. His skin was moon-pale in the porch lights, and he looked even more fatigued than Lukas _felt_.

"Matthias?" Lukas said, unsurely, unsteadily. He took a tentative step forward, biting his lip.

"...Lukas, why are you here?"

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."

Lukas took one step back, and he shook his head disbelievingly. "Where's your boyfriend?"

"He dumped me two weeks before you found out about him," Matthias said, looking down at his feet, kicking the ground.

"He dumped you."

"He was just using me to make a girl jealous, Lukas. And when you saw us together, he was trying to get me back since his plan hadn't worked." Matthias pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why did you come here?"

Lukas sighed. "I just told you. I miss you."

"There's no point in that, now. W-we're not...we're not...together, anymore. You hate me." The Dane looked up at the Norwegian forlornly, his eyes sparkling like he was about to cry.

Lukas, however, did start crying. "I love you so much, Matthias," he murmured, his voice wavering. He felt awful. "I've been trying to hate you, but I can't."

"I'm sorry," Matthias whispered back, pulling Lukas into a tight hug. "I'm sorry for cheating on you, I'm sorry I ever thought he was better than you, I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry I was such a bad boyfriend, Lukas, really."

Lukas didn't pull out of the hug, and Matthias didn't pull away. He kept whispering apologies to Lukas, falling apart more and more after every single one.

Lukas wanted to tell Matthias that it was okay, and that they could try again.

But he knew in his heart and his mind that what Matthias had done wasn't okay, no matter how many times he tried to force himself to say it.

So, he didn't.

He loved Matthias, had missed him so much. And yet he couldn't bring himself to forgive him.

He started crying even harder, and Matthias' apologies became incoherent because he'd started sobbing like a baby, and then Lukas kissed him, and he kissed him, and he kissed him, and he kissed him.

And Matthias kept kissing back, every single time, his eyes squeezed shut, tears still streaming in buckets down his pale face.

Lukas felt numb after a while. "C-can I come in?" He asked, quietly, his voice wobbling.

Matthias nodded.

"Thanks," Lukas replied, standing up, walking inside, his legs wobbling like they were made of jelly. Matthias eventually picked him up and carried him to the couch, before walking to the door and shutting it.

He stared at the door, behind turning back around to see the shadow of his ex in the dark. He walked through the darkness and sat down next to Lukas on the couch.

"So..." Lukas was still crying, and Matthias felt so bad for him. He embraced him one again, running fingers through his soft, neat, blonde hair.

"So what?" Lukas choked out. Matthias felt the Norwegian bring his hands to his face to wipe away the tears.

"Lukas," Matthias asked, slowly, staring up at the ceiling. "Will we ever go back to how we were before...this mess?"

"I love you, Matthias, but I don't think I can forgive you," Lukas sighed, feeling tears well up again.

Matthias took a few shuddering breaths. "I know." Lukas found the Dane's hand in the dark, squeezing it. He could not see Matthias' face in the dark, but he knew that he must look pretty guilty. He pressed another kiss to the man's lips, squeezed his hand tighter. That had been the answer he was fearing. "So...it's-?" He didn't even want to say it, and yet his mind started chanting it like a mantra. _It's over, it's over, it's over._

Lukas felt Matthias' heartbeat speed up drastically, and bit his lip. He hoped that Matthias wasn't going to have a panic attack, but given the circumstances, and the Dane's anxiety, he almost certainly _was_. Lukas set his hands on Matthias' shoulders.  
"Hey," he said, gently, in the tone he often used when he was trying to pacify Emil. "I never said it was over."

"I d-don't want it to be." Matthias gritted his teeth, but the phrase still looped in his head and he couldn't help but believe it. He started crying even harder, his breathing unnatural, and Lukas just held him in his arms, rubbing his back gently.

"Matthias, I don't think I can forgive you for cheating on me, but I want to be with you, still, because I know you've learned and I know you won't do it again," Lukas murmured slowly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Understand?"

Matthias seemed to be paying more attention to his breathing, trying to slow it down. Lukas withdrew a wand from his pocket and murmured something under his breath while seeming to draw in the air with it, and suddenly the room was filled with the strong scent of peppermint. Matthias breathed in deeply through his nose, and Lukas could feel his heartbeat slowing. He rubbed the Dane's back gently, putting the wand back in his pocket. He had known, from many experiences, that the scent of peppermint calmed Matthias down faster than anything else.

Matthias took one more shuddering breath, before reaching over to the lamp beside the couch, twisting the knob on the side to turn it on. He wiped the tears off his face with his sleeve and turned back to Lukas. "Thanks for the peppermint."

"Of course." Lukas smiled a little. "You know I can't stand seeing the happiest Dane in the world fall apart like that."

Matthias smiled back, and the Norwegian let out a breath he didn't even know he'd been holding.

He still loved Matthias, but especially when he was smiling.

The wild blonde rubbed his chin. "Hey, Lukas?"

"Yes?"

"When do you think you'll forgive me?"

Lukas looked up at the ceiling, in deep thought. His indigo eyes narrowed. "Give me another few days," he replied after a while. "I'm still not happy about what you did."

"I know," Matthias sighed. "I'm just glad you're even having thoughts about giving me another chance." He yawned, and Lukas remembered how tired the Dane had looked when he had answered the door. Matthias must have gotten the same amount of sleep as Lukas had (which was zero). He looked... _pretty bad._

But the smile definitely made him look a _little_ less like he was about to keel over and die.

Lukas rolled his eyes. "Well, of course I am. You're a sweet idiot, Dane, and I like being around you." He stood up from the couch, running his fingers through his hair. "But we both know that neither of us have slept, and that we both need sleep."

"Please don't go," Matthias blurted, standing up immediately after.

"Nope." Lukas held a hand in front of him to signal Matthias to stop. "Dane, I'm going to freak my brother out if I don't get back home. Besides, I promise I'll come back tomorrow."

The Dane's blue eyes widened, and he looked down sadly at the floor, like a lost little puppy.

"Don't make that face, or I'll never be able to leave!" Lukas laughed, covering his face with his hands. "Go to bed!"

Matthias walked up to him and sighed. "Fine," he whined. "Hey, Lukie?"

"Kindly refrain from calling me that."

"Even though we're not together again--yet, I mean--can I still kiss you?"

Lukas looked quizzically up at him. "Of course. We were practically making out a few minutes ago."

"Okay," Matthias beamed, before wrapping his arms around Lukas and leaning in, their lips meeting in a chaste kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow, right? Promise?"

Lukas crossed his heart, then walked out of the house, waving behind him.

Matthias still couldn't believe that Lukas had missed him and still loved him after what he'd done. He somewhat believed that such an amazing person as Lukas didn't deserve him.

But Lukas had denied that every time he'd said that.

Matthias shook his head. If he'd been Lukas, he'd probably have left his stupid ass and never looked back.

He let a small smile creep onto his face. Lukas sure was a mystery.

Thankfully, that was one of many of the reasons why Matthias loved him. 


End file.
